A future star ?!

I rented This Is It the other night. Really only because there was nothing else to rent and I really do love alot of Michael Jacksons music. Josh and the boys had gone out to his parents house and I was watching it when they got home. Rylan immediately became completely infatuated with him. He started to get up and try to dance like him... even started singing.

Josh is not one bit impressed that Ry likes him so much but I had to remind him that Ry knows nothing about him other then his "entertaining" and he really is one of the greatest entertainers ever.

Below is a video of Ry's dancing.... he is being very serious about it.

finally quit?!

When I first did this I didn't want to put anything on my blog or even tell alot of people because I didn't know if it would work or not. Anyone that knows me knows that I have tried to quit smoking 100 different ways 100 different times. I always do ok for a while then fall right back into it. I do not regret very many things in my life, although I have done some stupid things, I think you learn from your mistakes. But... I regret that first cigarette immensly. I was young and stupid and thought I would never get addicted. 12 years later I was still smoking.

In December I went into a hypnotist to help me quit. I have had HUGE success with it. Not only have I not had any cravings but the thought of smoking actually makes me want to vomit. And being around someone smoking makes me sick to my stomach... I cannot stand the smell that I use to love.

I take one day at a time, that is the best way to deal with these things.

My new camera

YAY!!! Finally I got a new camera... I only missed about a months worth of pics due to the fact that I seemed to have a hard time making it to town for longer then a 20 minute run into Albies or Walmart.

I am so happy to have a camera that works. Here is the 1st pic I took with it.



That boy above that I love so so much is student of the week! We are so proud of him... he gets to do a whole week of things all about his life.

On another note.... Josh and I went to Jackpot this last weekend and had such a wonderful time. I love it when Josh and I are able to get away just the two of us. We didn't win any money.. in fact we lost all the money we took, but that is ok... that is how it usually works.

A trip down memory lane

There really is no place like home. Although I now have my own home... there is something so settling to me to be back in my childhood home. I went up to my parents house today to get my Albies ads my dad saves for me and although I go to my parents house often there was noone home and I went into my old bedroom (which I seldom see any longer) sat on the floor and was instantly brought back to 14 years old. The smell, the sun coming through the window, everything was exactly how I remembered it minus the rabbits on the wall now (the room has been converted to my boys room now). It brought me back to a simpler time. A very happy childhood.

I love, love that house... so many memories in it. Such a happy place for me to be.

Some honesty

I am so sad that I haven't been blogging like I should but the truth is I have been busy. I am not talking about I have a few things to do during the day, I am talking I am never home. Between 4-H, wrestling, youth sports meetings, baseball, driving bus and all the other errands you do on a normal day my life is so crazy right now... it is insane! My kids are lucky to get dinner by 9:00 pm.

And my camera is broke and I desperately need a new one. And if I ever get a chance to go into town and spend longer then 1 hour there I will buy a new one. But I honestly don't know when that will be.

Josh and I are headed out of town for the weekend and I am estatic!! We need to get away together... and we need it bad!

My Story - the conclusion

When I got off of work that night he was waiting outside for me, It was September 16 1995. Looking at him made butterflies in my stomach like I had never had. He asked me to go for a drive with him and I accepted. We drove around for about 2 hours talking about everything from our goals in life to the strange man walking down the sidewalk. He made me feel like a different person when I was with him… in a good way. Like I could just be me and that was ok. He asked me that night when he dropped me off at my car “Come watch me ride bulls tomorrow in Bruneau.” I thought that sounded exciting and told him I would be there.

The next morning Nicole and I headed to Bruneau to watch him. I was exhilarated and nervous all at the same time. When he came out of the chute on that bull I knew he had me. I love the bad boy dangerous guys and that is definitely something Josh was… but he was also so sweet and good natured. He was the perfect guy in every aspect of the word. That night before we left for home he asked me if I would like to date him exclusively, of course I said yes.

Over the next few months I fell harder and harder for him, which was an issue with my mom because she did not approve of him at all. I am honestly not sure why but the fact was she didn’t so that made it tough. Eventually though she got used to the idea of him and I and got past it. Josh and I became very serious , very fast. But considering the past we had it was not all the surprising. We had already known each other and been friends for so many years. We spent every moment we could together and very quickly I fell head over heels in love with him. He made me feel so different then anyone else had, he was such a good person I felt good being with him.

The summer between my Junior and Senior year was the best summer of my life… to this day. Josh and I were together all the time… cruising town or hanging out with all our friends, watching movies or just sitting in the Frosty Palace parking lot talking for hours. He was so perfect to me. That summer was the first time he said “I love you”.

We started our Senior year together and it was about ¾ of the way through our Senior year that Josh told me he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and asked me to marry him when we got out of HS. I said yes right away… I knew I did not want to live the rest of my life without Josh and I knew he was the one for me. Just like I knew in 6th grade he was the one for me. I do not believe in soul mates but I believe in true love and I know that is what Josh and I had and still have to this day.

We graduated together in May of 1997. My grandpa was Governor at this point and I really wanted him to marry us. In order for that to happen we would have to get married before his term was up, which was in 1998. But I didn’t want to marry Josh a few months out of high school. I didn’t want to be “that girl”. I wanted us to live our lives in the adult world and make sure that we could do it. And I wanted to go to and finish college, which I knew would be hard to do once we were on our own. So I went to Cosmetology school and finished in October of 1998. Josh and I then moved in together in January of 1999.

It was September of 1999 when we got married. My grandpa was not able to marry us but that was ok… we had such a beautiful wedding. To me it was perfect… everything I had always dreamed of when I was little. We honeymooned in McCall for 3 days and just enjoyed being “us”. We knew we did not want kids right away, I feel bad for couples who get married and have kids within the 1st year. That time with just you and your husband is so important to build a solid foundation of marriage before bringing kids into the picture. Your whole life becomes about your children once you have them and I think you need to have a very solid marriage to withstand that. So many people do that and then get divorced when the kids leave home because they don’t know how to be a married couple without there whole focus being on kids. Josh and I waited 3 years to start having kids and it was the best decision we ever made.

When I look back at the last 20 years of my life with Josh I know if I had it to do over again I wouldn’t change one single moment. I think Josh and I have such a strong marriage and such a deep love for each other because of the many years before we actually became a couple. We have had many ups and downs but I couldn’t imagine my life without him… not for one single moment.

And whatever happened to Matt Freelove… well he and Josh are very good friends and he lives 3 houses down from us with 2 boys of his own and a wonderful girlfriend. Him and I have remained very good friends.

My Story - Part 2

Shortly after arriving at Matt’s party I saw Nicole and Matt dancing… very close among other things. I was devastated… this was my best friend and the “love of my life“ (or so I thought when I was 14)… acting very inappropriately. How could they do that? I reevaluated my friendship and reconnected with Carrie again. As far as I was concerned Matt was out of my life and I was moving on. Of course that lasted for about a month and Matt called me on night and told me to turn on my radio. He had requested “Everything I do, I do it for you” by Bryan Adams and there it was on the radio. How could I say No to that?? On again we were. And to this day I can’t hear that song and not think of him.

It was the summer between my 8th grade and Freshman year that I became friends with Nicole Maupin. Nicole had a cousin… his name was Josh Love. Nicole lived right next to her grandma who happened to be Josh’s grandma as well. As luck would have it Josh was close to his grandma and spent a lot of time there. I pretty much lived at Nicole’s house that summer. Becoming closer and closer to her family which meant closer and closer to Josh’s family. His sister and I actually became friends… although she was 3 years younger then me. I really really came to like this family, but nothing became of Josh and I. I was still “dating” Matt but noticed I thought of Josh more and more each day.

Freshman year started in August and Matt and I were still “on”. Things seemed to be going really well with him. We went to lunch together, talked on the phone every night and spent as much time as we could away from school together. But that month something changed. To this day I cannot put my finger on it but there wasn’t those feelings for him any longer. I had fallen so hard for him over this 3 year span that I couldn’t imagine not being with him but he and I both knew it was time to move on. I was devastated because I knew this one would be permanent, not like all the times before where we would be back together in a week but permanent. And it was…. In October of my Freshman year I said goodbye to him for good and over the next few months I forgot about him more and more with each day.. It was May of my freshman year when Nicole and I headed to the Jordan Valley rodeo and I ran into Josh… we connected that night like I never had with Matt. I knew right then that Josh was good for me. But nothing ever came of Josh and I… we got along great, he was incredibly good looking and a super nice guy but we were just friends. He or I was always “dating” someone else when we would pop up into each others lives.

The months went on and I dated a few other guys but nothing serious. I got my drivers license, had a serious car accident, started my first job and went on with my life seeing Josh here and there in between but never anything more then a hug and a how are you. We once ran into each other at a party briefly and talked for hours, even shared a kiss but that was the extent of it. Josh had a girlfriend at the time who was a good friend of mine so I really never thought much more about him and I ever having any kind of future together.

It was the beginning of my Junior year before I would really notice him again… the same way I noticed him that day my 6th grade year. He was in his dads Chevy pick up when he came to the drive up window of the fast food restaurant where I worked. He had changed so much during the summer before. He had been rodeoing all summer and had been gone traveling across the state so I had not seen him for a few months. When he rolled down his window he took my breath away.. He was so much more then I remembered. He flirted briefly with me and drove away. It was right then and there that I knew my life had changed… that there wasn’t going to be anymore Hi’s and nothing else, that whatever it took we would try out more then a friendship and see where it would take us. He came back in later that evening and asked me what time I got off of work.